K and I have never been apart for so long before – his previous trips overseas without me this year and last were only about one week long each time. Many years ago, he had to travel for 2-3 weeks to the US for work, and I asked him to come back earlier because I had some abnormal bleeding which was caused by cervical polyps. At 21, you hear “polyps” and you think “cancer”. So I freaked out. That incident has made the word “polyps” our codeword for trip curtailment! Thankfully, I’m a lot older and wiser now, so two months while long, is not impossible to cope with.

Having said that, I was a little apprehensive about being a temporary single parent, and my control freak tendencies led me to produce a two-month calendar that I filled with activities just to keep myself and the girls busy instead of mooching around at home. It’s been a week since K left, and so far, few of the activities that I put down for the week actually came to fruition. I managed to take Zoe out on two days this week but other plans to visit things like an exhibition by the House Rabbit Society of Singapore did not materialise. This weekend, however, we’ve concrete plans to go to Universal Studios because my sister and brother are back in town for a bit and neither have been before, so the girls get to go for a third time. My parents and siblings being around helps a bit, so Emily can also catch a breather or do her work without being disturbed.

The hardest part about being apart from K for so long is actually trying to find a good time when both of us are online, so that we can chat with each other. There’s a six-hour time difference between Aigle and Singapore, so by the time he’s had dinner and ridden back to the hostel, it’s 1am my time. I’m more than ready to drop off to sleep by this time, so our night-time conversations are very short. He comes online during the day in between classes, so I catch quick chats with him then. The girls have not spoken to him at all since he left. Zoe asked when her Daddy would be coming home every day for the last week, but the questions are becoming rarer as she’s getting used to the idea that he will come home in two months, not two days.

We’ve survived the first week, and there are seven more to go! Hopefully, the rest of the days will just fly by.

Shortie in a white dress.

I think every girl who grows up on a diet of Disney Princesses and High School Musical dreams of the moment when she gets to put on a wedding dress. Doesn’t matter if it’s her mama’s, and it’s 10 years old. It’s still magical. Alison was tickled pink, so I got the camera and snapped a shot of her standing in the dress. Who knows, maybe 15-20 years down the road, she might still be romantic enough to want to use some material from this dress in her own wedding dress. After Alison had had enough of shuffling awkwardly around, I helped her take it off and decided to see whether I could still fit into it. I wasn’t exactly sylph-like when I got married all those years ago, but my weight has fluctuated quite a bit since then. It was a very, very pleasant surprise to realise that not only could I fit into it, I could zip it all the way up without tearing a seam or having to use a body shaper or corset! It didn’t happen unless a photo was taken, so here I am in my old wedding dress.

My groom would have me on his arm, but he can no longer fit into his Hugo Boss wedding suit. Muahahaha.

But here we are, still together, still loving each other. Oh, we still fight, but these days our arguments no longer consist of screaming and throwing things. Now we just stay silent and don’t talk to each other for a while, which affects both of us deeply because we talk to each other constantly, whether online or in person, and not to do it for even a couple of hours feels like something very big is missing. Then one or both of us will stretch out the olive branch and kiss and make up.

I’ve been reflecting on what it is that could possibly be the secret to staying happily married. After some mulling, I think I know. The secret is not so much the romance and song and dance that people always associate with a good relationship, but forgiveness. I was telling a friend that it took a long time for me to realise that it is a conscious choice to be angry and therefore it is something that you can control. Likewise, it is a conscious choice to forgive. But in order to do that, I have to swallow my pride and be willing to be the first to say I am sorry in a fight. It’s hard when you are in the wrong, and almost impossible to do so when you are not.

I can still remember the first time I felt that I should apologise for an argument – we were in the car speeding down the expressway, and I sat there looking out the window thinking, “Why should I say sorry when it’s his fault? He should be apologising to me first.” In the end, the angel on my shoulder won, and I managed to get those hard, hard words out. I was pleasantly surprised by K’s reaction. He squeezed my hand, smiled at me in that close-mouthed way of his which means that he’s not 100% OK with what happened right now but he will be in the next half-hour, and just like that, we were OK again.

After that first time, it wasn’t so difficult anymore, although I still have days where I feel like I shouldn’t have to always be the one to apologise. But they are few and far between, and I’ve noticed that K is also more willing to be first with the “sorry”, than he used to be. It’s really helped us move on a lot faster when we hit ruts. Who’d have thought eating humble pie would actually be healthy for your marriage? But there you have it – love may be the answer, but forgiveness is the key.

PS: I just found out that Erich Segal, author of Love Story and coiner of the phrase “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” has passed away. What a coincidence, considering the theme of this entry. Rest in peace, Mr Segal. Your novels were always such sappy entertainment.

One Canon S90 camera.

And a sterling silver Tiffany keyyyyyyyyyy........

I don’t know how other couples do it, but after so many years together buying gifts becomes very difficult. Every year, I rack my brain trying to think of something for K for his birthday and Christmas, and every year I invariably settle on something technology-related. This year was no different . He’d been waxing lyrical about the Canon S90 for some time, so it wasn’t too tough to decide to get him that for Christmas. He was totally not expecting it and is quite happy with his new gadget, toting it wherever he goes.

If it’s hard for me to buy gifts for him, it’s a no-brainer for him buying gifts for me. I usually make items on my wishlist known to him so he doesn’t have to struggle to find something, but this year he totally disregarded my wishlist and went to that good old robin’s-egg blue fallback for my birthday gift. I love my new trinket, but I’m a rather chor lor (rough) person so I managed to scuff one side of the key the very first time I wore it. Oh well. It’s still gorgeous!

There are few meals I love better than a crabby one and I seldom get to savour my crab without the kids distracting me, so it was perfect! And after so many years of marriage, you learn to be comfortable being silent when you’re together, so there was much companionable slurping and not so much talking.

Love ya, Chuck K!