There’s been quite a lot of talk recently on the worth of stay-at-home-moms. I thought I would do a post on the worth of a working mom, since this topic has been on my mind quite a lot of late.
I’ve worked almost continuously since I graduated from university in 2001. The only two breaks that I took were when I was pregnant with Alison and Zoe. Both times, I worked from home as a freelance writer, and returned to work when the girls were a few months old. The first break was about 10 months long; the second, longer because of Zoe’s surgeries.
Apart from these breaks, I’ve always had a full-time job, although I’ve not always needed to work. In fact, I used to be quite proud of the fact that I could stop work whenever I wanted, because K’s income then would have enabled us to live more than comfortably on a single salary.
Now, the situation is different. Advertising is no longer as lucrative as it used to be and K has almost completed the transition from doing design to running Bike School full-time. As a fledgling company in a climate that currently provides very little support for what we are trying to do, Bike School is getting to where we want it to be, slowly. So my working has become all the more important for our family’s financial stability.
I don’t feel guilty about working. I enjoy my job – it is challenging, satisfying and of course, it puts food on the table. I’ve tried staying at home before, and both times, I nearly went crazy from the humdrum-ness of it all. Perhaps I’m spoilt – I don’t do housework, cannot cook and don’t have a lot of patience. But I definitely cannot stand being at home all day, every day.
K, on the other hand, has worked from home for almost 10 years now, and he loves this arrangement. Between the two of us, he’s the one who derives more joy from looking after the kids on a day to day basis than I do. Having K work at home doesn’t mean I’m free from mothering duties, though. Every evening, when I walk through the front door, I am greeted by two girls clamouring for my attention, from school circulars that I have to read and test papers that I have to review and sign, to gripes about naughty friends and nasty teachers. Sometimes, it’s really difficult to listen to them natter on when all I want to do is eat my dinner and zone out, or curl up quietly with a book after a draining day at work. On weekends, while K is coaching, I drive them to and from class or find things to do with them on my own. The only time I have to myself is when I’m commuting to and from work, or the couple of hours between the kids going to bed and my own bedtime. Even then, those hours are spent on schoolwork or Bike School admin work.
Clearly, my life as a working mom isn’t the carefree, self-indulgent one that some make it out to be.
I don’t think I’m superior to stay-at-home-moms because I work; neither do I think stay-at-home-moms are more noble for giving up their careers to raise kids. The worth of a working mom is exactly the same as that of a stay-at-home-mom simply because we all face and overcome the daily challenge of putting the needs of our children before our own, regardless of how we contribute to the family.
We all do what we need to do, and make the best of it. That’s the beauty (and pain) of being a mother.
Completely agree with you! I’m a SAHM now, but was in similar situation with you before when my husband was home taking care of our daughter and doing freelance work. He derived great satisfaction from it and even till today, he’ll say that he’ll give anything to stay home and raise our daughter if he could. I could go to work with my mind completely at ease simply because my daughter is given the best care by my husband, her father.
Whether a SAHM or working mother, motherhood is a privilege. Neither situation should be considered a sacrifice. We just do what we can for our children in whatever circumstances we may be in in life at that particular time. No SAHM is better than a working mother just because the former gave up thousands of dollars of wages to “sacrifice” and stay home for her children. Both are mothers and as long as both give their best as mothers, both are great mothers.
P.S. I always get my Maths tested when I leave comments on your blog, haha!!
Cindy recently posted…Cute as a button
Absolutely, Cindy. I think it is unnecessarily divisive to characterise either type of mom as being more noble/superior/sacrificial than others.
Jean recently posted…The worth of a working mom.
Thank you so much for sharing the perspective of a FTWM. I agree that neither group has it better or worse. I am a FTWM by choice and I too, think I will not be able to stay home to take care of my kid full time. It is not because I love my kid any less, but because I feel this arrangement, on balance, works best for all of us . At the end of the day, we contribute in our own ways as a mother! You might have just inspired me to write my own piece on this topic. Who knows, you may spark off an informal linky party!
Zee recently posted…{Family Fun} – What to do in March?
Please do! I’d love to hear other working moms’ perspectives on this.
Jean recently posted…The worth of a working mom.
Ok! Will link up when I do. By the way, I have nominated you for the Beautiful Mama Blogger Award! Please hop over to http://anuggetofjoy.wordpress.com/2013/02/28/beautiful-mama-blog-award/ to find out more, and to accept the nomination.
Zee recently posted…Beautiful Mama Blog Award
Well said!!
Staying home or working, which is better? Each family has to make a choice based on the benefits to family members and their unique family situation. One family’s choice may not be best for another’s. So long as we do not relinquish the responsibilities of parenting and being a good spouse. As a stay home mum, I often receive positive comments from fellow mums who are not able to handle the duties of a fulltime housewife/mother. (Though I get “judged” quite often too, as the simple lifestyle chosen isn’t the norm in our society.) But personally, I take my hat off to working mums. They have to give 100% at work, and their call of duty at home isn’t any lesser. That’s double the work! The worth of a mum? Perhaps measured by her long-suffering journey, regardless of the arena she’s in.
Just some thoughts…
As a FTWM, I totally get you. When I first suggested if I could stop working to my hubby before I was due to return to work after my maternity leave, my hubby had his doubts as I am someone who gets bored easily. Being a working mom, doesn’t make me love my daughter any less as we value financial freedom and want to reach there sooner than later. That said, we spend lots of quality time after we get home and on weekends. It’s not always easy juggling with work and family but thankfully I have understanding bosses who makes it easier and of course a hands on hubby who plays an active daddy role too.